Meg Whitman
Meg Whitman is the last great hope of the Republican Party's master plan put into action in 2003 with the 1.6 million dollar brain child of Darrell Issa.....the Great California Recall!! When Issa was told by the party to step aside, he cheerfully did so! Great success is now endangered by the dark horrible menacing threat of Democracy and "people"...ick. Her past is an open book, 48 pages long with 20 pages of text, 28 pages of pictures....and no information. This makes her perfect as a GOP candidate in 2010 and she would be well-qualified to be Governor of California. = HELP WANTED = Wanted.....housekeeper/maid. Must keep mouth shut. MUST BE A LEGAL RESIDENT WITH PROOF IN TRIPLICATE AND NOTERIZED!!! MUST HAVE BETTER TIMING THEN MY LAST EMPLOYEE! Light housework with some humiliation required for lovely Atherton California family. Inquire at 555-1212 Overview from the private jet (oh look..... the unemployed.They look like ants) Meg Whitman is, perhaps the richest woman mentioned on Wikiality.....so, the proper amount of sucking up is required. She is, but a simple, humble, hardworking, god fearing, flag wrapped goddess the likes the GOP has never seen before. They did an excellent job. After Sarah Palin's huge influence on the last Presidential election, the next step in the Republican master plan is to have Micheal Steel Gracefully bow out as the eloquent and highly skilled orator that he is, so that an undisclosed woman can fill that spot. That undisclosed woman is disclosed here as Sarah steps in. She will run the GOP after steel leaves, until her win in the 2012 elections, and that is when Whitman will take her spot in the history books.....what will it be? Secretary of the treasury? The head of the GOP.....why she could even be.....VICE PRESINDENT! (*Cue Evita sound track*) Brand creation Few people know Meg's blue-blood lineage. She's tried her whole life to keep that part of her background a secret, but if one looks closely, one can clearly see that she's Churchill's granddaughter! Meg has received the very best that life has to offer and she's never had to associate with her inferiors. It is unclear if birth can be described as her early beginnings. Her sudden appearance is attributed to corporate headhunters and political advisors.....so it is believed she was pieced together with bits of Ronald Reagan, Pete Wilson and Sarah Palin with a dash of Hillary Clinton for exterior gloss, then hatched in a Fabergé Egg. Corporate "Push" to the top Meg has blessed many corporations with her presence: * Hasbro- Meg decided that Mr. Potato Head was simply not creepy enough for American Children, so she imported the Teletubbies to mush their brains to the proper consistency until proper GOP brainwashing....er.....America's Republican approved Public School text books can EDUCATE the young minds....yeah that last part. * Walt Disney * Stride Rite * Bain & Company- There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Bain and Company is trying to take over the world using cyber candidates, built in their International Management offices....Meg and Romney are actual humans. They have no soul so it only seems like they are lifeless automatons. Meg has pushed hard to get where she is. She has paid hers, as well as others, dues (at the suggestion of the legal department). Nothing stands in her way as she shoves her way past adversity and employees. Before getting into the corporate boardroom, Meg had a short-lived career on the wrasslin' mat. She went 1-0 under the name "Sumo Meg". Executive Board Revolving Door Meg is also on many boards to provide her special insight to their companies that she gave to the other ones she no longer works at: * The eBay Foundation * Procter & Gamble * DreamWorks Animation When she's governor, she won't have a problem staying on those boards. Or leaving, whatever is a jury of her peers determines as legal. Oh, and all those people she knows on those boards can help her find people to put in her staff or give really cool positions in her administration or any open government job that happens to become available. Whatever works, ya know? At The eBay Before Meg, The eBay only had 30 employees...Well technically it was 29 but Meg's ego counts as two people. During her leadership, Meg took eBay to the internets and helped Americans stave off foreclosure for a few years, by selling crap to other people. By the end of her wildly successful executive's, she was undermined by hippies and other assorted capitalism-haters. Sadly, Meg was forced to leave with only her bonus to comfort her and just as she was about to turn the company around. Politics While Meg has no political accomplishments the GOP has never the less released a full list to the press. How could California FAIL with Meg as Governor! * Meg will not FAIL to continue the great leadership started by Pete Wilson, delayed by that nerd, but picked back up by Arnold * Meg's just like us, if she FAIL'S to know something, she will hire someone who will advise her and do whatever they say * Will not 'FAIL to make Hearst Castle into the Governor's summer Mansion...and the TransAmerica building into her thrown room and alien mothership landing dock. * She would FAIL to be married to Skeletor, who would bring all that drama into the Governor's mansion * She won't FAIL to be wealthy enough to own a jet, and knows where California can buy one cheap! * She won't FAIL to keep Californians as well as the environment in mind! Her retirement plan for everyone in the state is an income generating business creating new Soylent Green Jobs!! * She wont' FAIL to run the State of California. She will ran her State the same way she ran her campaign. The same way she ran eBay! Meg believes everything that her GOP predecessors did regardless of pass or FAIL, but she's very different than them in the sense that she's more likely not to FAIL and is like Sarah Palin......in that she's a woman, not a dude. She believes in talking about not not FAILing at creating jobs, which is no different than actually not FAILing in creating jobs. Because as everyone knows if you can talk about 'FAILure it is the same as doing it.....wait, I mean 'FAILing is like talking...no wait....to '''[[X|FAIL to speak...........ah screw it. Not only that, but she also talks about tax cuts not 'FAILing, too! And, just like not 'FAILing to creating jobs, talking about tax cuts not 'FAILing is just as good as actually not 'FAILing at doing stuff! Plus, if she can't do it, her party will certain provide her with the experienced personnel to shape, market and guide her policies, whatever they may be. Meg has good political instincts endorsing both Mitt Romney and The Greatest Maverick Ever in America's 2008 Presidential election. The GOP looks past their '''FAILure. Beliefs Even though she's never really said what they are, we here at Wikiality.com are certain Meg believes lots of things! And, when the time is right, she'll let us all know what they are. We trust her, because just look at her, she's a chick with dimples! She looks just like what we'd imagine Arnold's grandmother would have looked like, without all the Old World lederhosen and what-not. Religion American can only hope that Meg is as heavenly as Sarah Palin! No word yet on whether Meg will smote baby killers, but we're certain she will be able to find surveys to help her do what's right for Californians and other people all across America who depend on California's contribution to the federal budget. Meg believes, like all her party fellows, that gay marriage is an abomination and supported Proposition 8 with all her God-given wealth. Marriage Weeeeeeeellllllll now.......the GOP has had to take a bribe....*I MEAN* 'take a back seat' to this issue with Meg. We admire here willingness to appear, but a frail helpless woman, attached....if even only in part, to a family....any family.....even if she did not taking her husbands last name. Do as she says not as she does. SO just because she appears to not respect the institute of marriage....uhm......it's because.............uhhhhmmmmm...the.....gay...agenda...YEAH! The GAY AGENDA! Stop the GAY AGENDA. *snap* hey look over here. I said STOP THE GAY AGENDA. That's all you need to know, OK. Openness Meg will also known for her openness. One day soon she will be describing this in complete detail, but until such time, Meg, her party and the public relations firm handling her image want to reassure the population of California who can still afford television and/or the internets that Meg will be exactly as open as they imagine she needs to be to get elected. If You Gave Meg A Chicken, She'd Give You... * healthcare * any gently used item from her secret eBay stash (your choice) * a seat near the kitchen at her next speaking engagement Rumors Surrounding Her "Alleged" Sociopathology Just because she ran a company into the ground and got out just in the nick of time with her bonus, doesn't mean she's a sociopath like those other people who did the same thing, if not something very similar. All those other CEOs were men, ruthless and mean men and Meg's a girl after all and girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice! So California has absolutely nothing to worry about. Meg promises that she will do to California what she did to eBay! Meg wishes to follow in the steps of the great one, the god of all god's, Ronald Reagan. So inspired by Reagan's Brandenburg Gate speech was Meg Whitman....that she has decided TWO walls along the California wall would make for a doubly great speech when....uh...she demands herself to tear down both. Other Personal Stuff (Besides Being A Sociopath) * She's married to the boy next door, Griffith Rutherford Harsh IV * she's got two kids and home schools them! Shutting The Door On Rumors About Sociopathology Once And For All As proven by an unbiased account of a random sampling of eligible California voters, Meg has been described as "real," "authentic" an "human"http://www.indiawest.com/readmore.aspx?id=1241&sid=1. Nothing else need be said to convince intellectually honest people of the sincerity of Meg's campaign for governor. Nor does anything else need to be added to her campaign literature about how good a politician leader she would be. Meg has more than enough money invested to have her sincerity, realness, authenticity and human-like qualities repeated before election day to convince enough voters to believe it and keep enough Republicans in governorships before the party completely falls apart. Songs Meg Uses For Campaigning * Nutmeg, the song John Legend sang for Stephen's Christmas special See Also * Carly Fiorina External Tubes * Meg scores interview outside liberal media filter! * Meg's UNofficial Site! *Meg Whitman saves California's economy! Sale of Chair will feed hungry Millionaires *Meg Whitman breaks world record!